#1 Jokes
Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 11:57 am
I wouldnt say the wife is fat but she fell down the stairs the other day and I thought Eastenders was starting on TV
.
Page 1 of 17
#2
Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:03 pm
.
#3
Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 10:47 am
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes, he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles...
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes, he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles...
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
#4
Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 1:32 pm
#5
Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:05 am
Ireland has suffered its worst ever air crash today as a 2 seater airplane crashed into a cemetery outside Dublin.
Rescue teams have recovered 828 bodies so far.
Digging continues!
Rescue teams have recovered 828 bodies so far.
Digging continues!
#6
Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:30 am
On the radio just now.
Man gets home from work and finds his wife dead in the washing machine !
The poor man is gutted but at least she died in comfort.
Man gets home from work and finds his wife dead in the washing machine !
The poor man is gutted but at least she died in comfort.
#7
Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 1:38 pm
Cruel, but funny 
#8
Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 12:36 am
A frozen lasagne, black forest gateux and a garlic baguette, have just hit me on the head
I reckon it must be the fallout from Iceland.
I reckon it must be the fallout from Iceland.
#9
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:48 pm
What's the difference between the Icelandic volcano & Cheryl Cole?
...the volcano's still blowing Ash
...the volcano's still blowing Ash
#10
Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:10 pm
Chap goes to the doctors with a bar of soap stuck up his arse (can I say arse on this forum) the doctor taks a look and say's well! that's life boy.
#11
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:36 pm
Tried to open an account at Screwfix today - got turned down....
apparently its not a dating agency
apparently its not a dating agency
#12
Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:47 pm
Aardvark wrote:Tried to open an account at Screwfix today - got turned down....
apparently its not a dating agency
Don't talk to me about dating agencies.
#13
Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:21 pm
Took my dog to the park today and played frisbee with him. He was useless.
Think I need flatter dog
Think I need flatter dog
#14
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 7:28 am
Brilliant.Aardvark wrote:Took my dog to the park today and played frisbee with him. He was useless.
Think I need flatter dog
#15
Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:23 pm
